A changing of the guide

Flash back a few weeks to the day of my arrival in Chiang Mai. That afternoon I go in search of Thai-style pampering at a nearby spa.

Lian, a polite Thai lady

They sit me down with a plate of watermelon and soon a pleasant woman named Lian is cheerfully performing a most heroic act: rehabilitating my feet. She does such a meticulous and splendid job that I opt for a one-hour massage as well. Sixty minutes later I am a satisfied customer all over again.

As I am leaving, she asks: "You come back tomorrow for two-hour massage?" The notion is just so decadent, I automatically reply: "Sure!"

Nick (dramatic re-enactment)

Eventually Lian and I get to be friends outside the spa as she introduces me to the primo noodle carts and discount shopping places around the 'hood. (Two new shirts and cut-offs, $35 -- nice!) She also tutors me in what is "polite" and "not polite" in Thai society, from wearing short pants and tank tops in Buddhist temples (a big "not polite") to covering one's mouth with a napkin while using a toothpick in a restaurant.

Now I have a new guide to replace expat buddy Nick Egert, who is back in the states by now for physical therapy following a vicious beatdown in a bar fight. On Wednesday I visit Nick again at the hospital. He is much more alert than the last time I saw him in ICU, and not nearly as grotesque. (Damn, I wish I'd brought my camera!) He'll be back, he vows -- just unsure when.

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A word about Thai potty technology. The spritzer hose hanging next to the tank is exactly what you think it's for.

Sewer systems here are too fragile to accommodate toilet tissue, so the spritzer is Thailand's refreshing and efficacious solution. (Many places do offer TT as well but insist that you place used tissue in a nearby wastebasket, which is just nasty.)

Every expat I've asked about the spritzer is an enthusiastic convert. So am I.